Jackie's (JP) Reaction to: "Memorable First Dates"

Eeeek the dreaded first date! It has been a long time since I have been on a first date, close to about 4 years. Newly single it is the thing I am worried about the most. It has always been that time where you question everything you do. From a girls perspective you worry about what you are going to wear, what do I say, how should I do my hair, I hope we aren’t going out to eat because I don’t want to eat in front of him and what are we going to talk about. I know they sound all really silly but come on, we most likely want to impress this guy! Now you’re on the date and its going good or bad however you perceive it. The date is over and if you had a good time you wonder, am I going to hear from him again or if you didn’t have a good time you wonder, please let him lose my number.

I am trying so hard to think of a first date that I have been on that was either memorable or completely horrible that it actually makes my stomach turn. It is silly but one of my best first dates was with one of my ex-boyfriends, who lives down the shore. We dated briefly during high school, broke up and lost touch for about four years. We reconnected through MySpace, ehh yea, I know pretty corny reconnecting through that but come on it was when MySpace was actually popular back in 2006. Okay well back to the first date, we decided one day we would “hang out” because seriously who calls it a date anymore, it’s hanging out. So I took a ride down the shore on a beautiful day at the beginning of May. I was SUPER nervous because it had been four years, all I kept worrying about was “What is he going to think of me?” I prepped myself for about a good hour before I left, and ventured down parkway south. The whole ride down my stomach was in knots, I was completely freaking out. I got to his house and we decided to take a ride into Seaside (it was pre- Jersey Shore so it wasn’t as gross yet!). We went and sat on a pier and just talked, went for a walk on the rocks, and then walked the boardwalk.

It was cheesy but it was kind of like a date you see on the movies. Every time I think about it, it makes me smile. We ended up dating for a little while, but it didn’t work out. We lost touch again after that, and last year connected again through Facebook. Oh how wonderful social networking sites are. Now at the age of 26, I always wonder what you do on a first date. It’s been so long I feel lost. I feel like a teenager again not really sure what to do or how to proceed. I have to admit the dating world is hard and I actually hate being back in it.

Memorable First Dates

By: Mike Cupolo and Tom Hollywood

You finally decided to text or did you call? Either way it worked. You got a response! He/she is interested in seeing you. Can you believe it? I can't. Not sure what they see in you. Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm sure you are a wonderful person that deserves nothing but the best. To be honest I'm surprised you managed to stay single this long.

You have a date. Awesome! Where do you take your date? Dinner and a movie? Boring. You want to do something exciting, a little romantic, and MEMORABLE! This is a monumental event. If he/she doesn't have a good time you probably won't hang out again. What if you are on a budget. I know I am. I wouldn't be writing this blog if I was rich. I wouldn't have a hard time meeting women either.

What is the best date idea? Where should you go? Tom and I thought of some activities that would make a fantastic first date. We also listed the cons of those fantastic activities. Enjoy!

Skydiving

PRO: The adrenaline rush and experience would make the date unforgettable.

CON: Very expensive and dangerous. Not to mention you have just paid to have a professional skydiver strap himself in behind your date.

    

Private plane tour of New York

PRO: Great scenery and very unlikely she's experienced it before.

CON: Still pricey and you’re probably getting into a plane with a guy who was a bigger fan of Jack Daniels then paying attention to where his 747 was going. He now gets to be your tour guide.

Amusement park

PRO: Roller coasters, food, games and the ability to get to know each other while on line. The levels of fear the rides induce will be perfect for discussion topics.

CON: Having to wait in an unfathomable line for a five second ride with your date can be rough, especially if the conversation isn’t flowing it can seem like an eternity. The group of twelve year olds behind your date making thrusting motions won’t help the situation.

   

Bicycle Ride around Governor's Island

PRO: Beautiful scenery devoid of cars and a great view of the city without the noise.

CON: Not for people out of shape. Nothing looks less manly/lady like then having a leisurely ride around the island and then getting winded going up a five degree incline. Sweating profusely is a side effect.

Minor or independent league baseball game

PRO: This is more of an intimate setting then a pro stadium. Increased fan involvement and entertainment between innings is an added benefit. Also cost friendly.

CON: Lets face it baseball is boring. What happens when the mascot starts to hit on your lady? Maybe you give him a playful shove. Then he shoves you back and next thing you know you are rolling around pummeling Jack the Jackal.

 

Musical Performance

PRO: Try to find a decent local band/singer that doesn't perform at a crowded bar or club. An acoustic performance at a place you can actually sit and talk between sets.

CON: Most of the singers are local for a reason and that reason is they are terrible. Expect the acoustic songwriter to be the overly sensitive type with long hair and just waiting to share his feelings. This will give you the urge to beat him with his guitar.    

Comedy Performance

PRO: There is always a quality stand-up, sketch and improv show every night in New York. Mike Cupolo's stand-up show for starters. He'll be funny. The jokes and close setting will spark conversation topics.

CON: He’s a bit of a bastard who likes to call out his friends when they come to a show. It’s going to be tough to convince her it was a different Tom Hollywood who dressed up like a fairy princess for Halloween.

Carnival/Fair/Boardwalk

PRO: The more local and less corporate the better. The lower budget will give you things to joke about, while the quaintness will give it that romantic vibe.

CON: Just can’t trust carnies.

    

Haunted House/Haunted Hay Ride

PRO: A Halloween date activity may seem childish, but with both parties already on edge it produces the needed adrenaline boost to make the night memorable.

CON: Some of the “pop outs” can be over the top and a little cheesy. Your date might not understand why someone in their mid twenties thought it was a good idea to go on a date to a place where the average age in attendance is single digits.

Skiing/Snowboarding

PRO: Even if both of you have no idea how, the fun of falling and learning something new is a can't miss.

CON: Its all fun and games until someone breaks their leg because they weren’t quite ready for that black diamond or doesn’t think getting hit in the face with a snowball was very funny. Not to mention you falling on your ass for the twentieth time as the ten year old girl zooms past you down the slope doesn’t look good.

Porn Convention

PRO: It is a porn convention.

CON: It is a porn convention.

BUT: Can’t think of a better way to figure someone out. It’s worth it to see the look on your date’s face. Probably looks similar to your face when you read this.

Apple/Pumpkin/Tomato/Anything you can go somewhere and pick it

PRO: Shows a sensitive side.

CON: Maybe too sensitive depending on what you’re picking.

Paddle Boats

PRO: An aquatic version of bike riding. This could be very romantic in the right setting.

CON: If your partner refuses to pedal it could be a long day. Throw in multiple paddle boats manned by kids and you are now involved in an unwanted game of bumper boats.

Beach

PRO: The pressure of approaching the opposite sex is over. Now you can enjoy the beach.

CON: You are a normal person and you are self conscious of your beach body. 

The Zoo

PRO: This shows you like animals and again brings out a sensitive side. Say you walk by the lion exhibit and see two lions going at it. That plants a seed in your mate’s subconscious that says, “I want to mate like lions.”

CON: Ok sure that is a long shot, but let me dream.

Ariel's reaction to "To Call or to Text? That is the question."

By Ariel:

You meet a guy at the bar and when you part ways, he asks for your number. There are two options here. First tell him no, you aren’t interested… at some point of the night while conversing he tried to spill his drink on your shirt and then tried to dry your boobs with a napkin, ummm no thank you…

But the second option is to give him your cell phone number.  Here’s the deal, if he’s smart he’ll call you right then and there so you’d have his number too and he’s also just confirmed that you gave him your real number.  Also, it reaffirms that he copied your number correctly in his phone… so no “I lost/mistyped your number excuses.”

So should he call or text,  or since you have his number do you initiate?

I am old school and I definitely think he should call first but not the next day. Definitely wait a day or two. Because really, if it was a Saturday night and you were drinking heavy, aren’t you a little hung over and perhaps not recollecting all the important bits? Plus you need to check in with your girls… who was I talking to? Was he cute? Once you have confirmation that he was cute! Then you can wait with wonderful anticipation… is he going to call? Isn’t he going to call? That’s part of the fun.

So I think Monday, or Tuesday phone call. And most people over the age of 22 have jobs, so call after work around 5:30 or 6:00. You can call later or earlier, and if they don’t answer LEAVE A MESSAGE! The phone call is important because there are a lot of voice inflections that can’t be conveyed through text. How are you going to tell if he’s funny or charming or if there’s a click between you two if it’s through texting? Now after the first call, you can definitely text. But seriously any guy who’s texting first and also using emoticons in that first conversation… I’ve got to question…

If you girls do want to initiate contact, that’s okay. You are taking the pressure off the guys but really… don’t you want them to work for it a little bit? You aren’t playing hard to get by waiting for him to call first. Besides he has your number, if he’s interested in talking to you, he’ll call.

Vending Machine

Everyone has that one person at work that you just don’t like. For whatever reason, this person just irks you. It could be as simple as a strong handshake. Regardless of your logic, there is always that one. This entity drives you so crazy; it forces you to take deep breaths into a paper bag just to restrain yourself from lunging at it.  

Sometimes the justification is legit.

The vending machine on the 17^th and I do not have a healthy working relationship. Each attempted purchase is an adventure. It mocks me on a daily basis. The machine has eaten my money, refused to take my dollar bills, declined to give me back quarters and instead spits dimes out at my feet, called me ugly, made an anti-Semitic remark once and I’m not even Jewish. Maybe the last few aren’t true, but that machine is a rat bastard. 

Do you know how embarrassing it is when your snack gets stuck in the vending machine while co-workers walk by? Well it is. Especially when a cute girl comes strolling through the hallway and I’m stuck starring at the vending machine like a lunatic. She takes a look at me standing there with one hand on the machine and my head hanging in defeat. I would make a great “Don’t Give Up” motivational poster that you might see in an elementary school.

Motivation

I’ll put more money in so I can get my snack to drop, but what if it eats that money too? I can’t keep feeding this vending machine, spawned straight from hell, money. It won’t learn its lesson that way. Now I’m stuck, cute girl still watching me and MY Swedish Fish hanging in the balance.

I start to shake the crap out of this machine despite the note that reads “Do Not Shake Machine”. I hate that sign. I wouldn’t shake it, but it stole my money, food and pride. I start to shove it back and forth. “Drop, drop, drop! I paid you, now spit it out.” I can feel my face getting red and sweat beads starting to form on my forehead. I’m seriously contemplating putting my head down, taking a running start and slamming all my body weight into the glass of this coin snatching machine.

Of course, I don’t do that. I mean that would make me completely insane. I could just imagine having to explain to people how I broke my arm. Anyway back to this snack hostage holding vending machine. MY Swedish Fish are still swaying behind the glass and the cutie is still watching. Not sure if she has lost all respect for me or feels pity. Either way it doesn’t seem to be going well.

Last chance to make something happen and salvage the little dignity I have left. I take a deep breath and give it one more firm shake, the kind of shake that if I shook your hand you might be confused to why I am shaking it so hard. You would tell people, “Hey see that guy? He doesn’t know the proper strength to apply for a handshake.” Then I become that guy at work that you don’t like. 

Finally! It drops! The crowd goes wild. The cutie flashes me a smile. Co-workers are chanting my name. I don’t look like a weak pitiful crazy person anymore. I pop open the Swedish Fish and offer one to the pretty lady. We simultaneously bite into one and what do you know? Stale! Hard Swedish Fish! I risked losing my self confidence, my manhood and any chance of mildly impressing a young lady. For Stale Swedish Fish? I loathe you vending machine. I really do. You are my enemy. I hope nothing but the worst for you.

See you tomorrow?

Text or Call?

Call me old fashion, but I seem to fall into the minority on here. After reading the previous posts, all good points were made. In fact, I'm kind of surprised that females would rather the guy text. Interesting. Maybe this is where our generation is headed?

But, you still find girls who want the throwback treatment. The last couple of girls I have met all preferred calls. Texting just seems like too much of a cop out. The first call is no doubt such a tough thing to do. Girls have it so easy :) After the first call though, I have no problem texting. It's that first move that's crucial.

Are girls really just as attracted to a guy if they text rather than call? If your a girl and don't plan on answering or think it's akward, why did you give the guy your number in the first place? Additionally, how many girls really make the first move? Not many. It's the guys job to make the move and be manly enough to pick up the phone.

Amanda's reaction to: "Call or text? That is the question."

The last time I was asked for my phone number was in the subway after some creep stared me up and down the entire ride. Then proceeded to follow me out of the train calling me "fragile", "precious" and some other corny words. I told him I had a boyfriend but that didn't seem to phase him. I think I finally learned my lesson not to talk to strangers...and maybe also never to travel alone again.
So if you're a genuinely nice guy that doesn't need to use some pick up line or form of excessive flattery to get a girls number and you just want to get to know her, I would suggest texting first. You can tell a lot by a text. Plus, everything could go downhill fast in a phone call with awkward silences and someone putting their foot in their mouth.




pros and cons about texting
(&what you can learn about the other person):

+ you can use smilies :D
- if the other person responds with only 1 word..all the time, BOOORING
+ girls can squeal and show all their friends the sweet and charming comments the guy makes
- guys can embarrass the girl by exposing her personal information to all his friends
+ you can see if the other person knows how to spell correctly
- you can't hang up on the other person
+ you can count how many times they ask questions about you or count how many times they just talk about themselves
- your text might end up on textsfromlastnight.com
+ there is always the option to not respond!

Gina's reaction to: "To Call or to Text? That is the question.

By Gina:

So here we are, at a hip & chic lounge; I’m sipping a cosmopolitan and you’re sipping Johnnie Walker Red. We’re eyeing each other up all night long, I’m running my hands through the bottom of my hair staring at you and smiling with my body towards you welcoming you to come over and talk to me. You finally walk over to me and we talk, laugh, you buy me a few more drinks and as my girls and I are leaving, you politely ask for my number. As I’m walking away, I’m thinking, wonder if he’ll call and you’re wondering when should I call?

The above situation seems to happen every Friday & Saturday night at bars, clubs, and lounges all over. It may not have the same details but you get the picture. This is a predicament we always get ourselves into. It has a very simple solution, don’t call. Text. I know this may come as a shocker, a woman who would rather get a text message then a phone call. I think texting helps avoid all the awkwardness and fear that comes with the first time phone conversation.

Now, let’s get this straight; ladies, if we get his number, WE MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.  This is a new era ladies, Jay-Z said it himself, ladies is pimps too! Once a man gives you his number, text him the next afternoon. As women we are more inclined to text or call as soon as we meet someone because we’re very emotional. We can’t do this, text the next afternoon. This way he is surprised and has been, hopefully, wondering why you haven’t texted him. Men, if we give you our number, use it. Now, when you use it, text us the next day in the morning. Why? Because it’ll give us time to want you more.

Before I touch on why texting is so amazing and thank God man invented it, I’ll tell you all the bad things that can happen if you call before text. Calling someone can be an inconvenience, what if you call and they’re busy? Okay let’s give this scenario the benefit of the doubt and no party is busy. So were chatting about the weather, the news, and the night before and then all of a sudden… silence. Yes, the awkward first time phone conversation silence. Then, the conversation picks up and now we’re talking over one another and apologizing. Lastly, the silence again and someone decides to go because they have something to do. One word, awkward.

But, if you texted before you had that first phone convo; it could be like this. You text him/her and say hey it’s so & so and then a what’s up, he/she will reply back and then keep the convo going. We avoid the awkward silence, we avoid the weird talking over one another, and we have a great exit strategy. If the conversation isn’t interesting, just don’t respond and say you fell asleep!

To Call or to Text? That is the question.

By: Mike Cupolo & Tom Hollywood

You finally got the nerve and approached the opposite sex! Whether it was at the bar, club or beach you got a phone number. Hopefully a name too. Congrats! So... what are you supposed to do now? If you are a guy do you call or text? How long should you wait before making contact? Girls are you waiting for that call or praying for a text or did you even remember giving out your number? Well guess what you did and now some guy is debating whether he should call or text you. He might actually be so torn that he is writing a blog about it right now...

All these questions and more will be answered in this week's question, "To Call or to Text? That is the question." Tom and I made a list of reasons to call and a list of reasons to text. Let us know which you prefer and why.   

Call because…

You’re a politician, celebrity, athlete, etc. Let’s face it your texts, sexts and naked pictures will eventually be shown to the world.

You need to prove you are a man and not just a semi-intelligent monkey.

You don't want a paper trail her husband can read.

You don't want a paper trail your wife can read.

Having both hands free are better for phone sex.

He/she is blind.     

Apologies are more genuine over the phone.

Your cat, Mr. Whiskers, can't read and he much prefers the sound of your voice.  

It is your only option. He/she only has a land line. Does anyone under 60 not have a cell phone? Whether or not they know how to use it is a different story, but if you know someone please share.

You can’t text an 800 number.

Your thumbs are too fat to text.

You have a sexy voice. By sexy I mean if your voice sounds like: Barry White, Fergie, the most interesting man in the world guy from the Dos Equis commercials, or Betty White.

You have an accent. I don’t mean a Jersey accent.

Your grandma doesn’t have a texting plan on her phone. Get with it Grams! Just because you are 95 isn’t an excuse.

Of the damage that can be done by auto correct.

Text because…

You have a chance to think about what you are going to say before blurting out something weird and creepy on the phone.

Social anxiety disorder isn't a problem if you can avoid people.

Avoid the awkward silence.

Reading, "Who is this again?” is less of a blow to your self confidence than hearing it.

Emoticons are the best way to express your feelings J

You aren’t sure if her name is Keri or Teri or Jessica.

You don’t want her bf/husband/kids to answer the phone.

You can casually wish 10 people a Merry/ Happy (Insert Holiday Greeting). This makes it as impersonal as possible. Then pray you get a text back. We have never done this before. Heard it from a guy…somewhere…

They are deaf.

She will hear the girl you are banging.

I can’t decipher your stupid sorority girl abbreviations.

It is easier to ignore. No one actually cares about what your cat did, the dream you had last night or anything that happened at work.

That ‘attractive’ girl you met over the weekend isn’t ‘phone call’ hot.

You are a female with a deep voice or a male with a high voice. 

Strip clubs are noisy and sparkles won't hear you.

She's next to you and you have to tell your buddy you banged her.

Share your opinion! Leave a commet or write a blog of your own.

 

Lisa's reaction to "How to pick up the opposite sex at the beach"

By Lisa:

I know for a fact that I would never get picked up at a beach.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm pretty and I have nice boobies and I know for an absolute FACT that I am fun to be around.  But between my pasty legs and overweight proud-to-be-an-American body, I'm not about to go down the Jersey Shore and take 500,000 pictures of myself in a g-string.  If I'm at the beach, it's because I want to relax and enjoy the sand, the sun, and the the world's salty communal toilet bowl.  I don't look good when I go to the beach.  I pull my hair back and wear no makeup to maximize my tan, and while I can pull off a good pair of sturdy jeans, I look pretty flimsy in a two-piecer. 

So what I will do to participate in this important blog question of how to pick up the opposite sex at the beach is give you my top 5 tips for how to pick up the opposite sex at the beach.  Because I may not really know how to get a man, but I sure do know how to hit on one.

1. Try a nude beach!  Nudity totally levels the playing field.  Clothes are nothing but a shield; a superficial symbol of the shallowness of mankind.  Also, no more "little" (*wink*) or "big" (*wink*) surprises  At a nude beach, what you see is what you get, and do you know what I think?  I think you're gonna get some.

2. Drink alcohol.  This actually will assist in any situation where you are trying to do anything that involves anything.  Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and numbs you to rejection.  Alcohol is great.

3. Bring alcohol.  Alcohol is more than just a depressant that impairs your judgement... it's a magnet for dudes and chicks alike... anyone who likes to have a good time will be drawn to your tantalizing booze.  It is also a great filter for who is cool and who is not.  Offer that cute guy at the beach a beer. Oh, you don't drink? PEACE!

4. Be friendly, but not creepy.  This one is mostly for the more... penis-y readers out there.  There is a difference between saying, "What's up?" and saying "WHAAAZZZAAAAHHHHH (tounge wagging violently in open mouth)!"  Know what I mean?

5.  Don't look down too much.  Guys, you know how you do that thing where you constantly glance at a girl's boobies while you're talking to her? We notice that.  Not only do we notice the downward glance, but we also notice that your brain is drooling.  It's not becoming (funniest. word. ever. ).  Ladies, same deal, different reason.  Don't look down at a guy's belly/6pack/12pack/18pack/kegger.  It makes him self-conscious.  Self-consciousness is not really conducive to romance.

I have so many more tips that I could share, but the reality is that if you just follow tips 2 and 3 you'll be fine. It's supposed to be a beautiful weekend! Maybe I'll see you at the beach!  Perhaps together we can experience a cool breeze on a warm summer day.  Until then...

Melissa's reaction to "How to Approach the Opposite Sex at the Beach"

By: Melissa

No Beach Hook-Ups for Me

I’m not sure if I’m completely comfortable with the idea of men picking me up at the beach. I’m currently looking for a serious relationship so I really don’t think a beach setting is the best place for me to meet my future “baby daddy”!

But seriously, typically at the shore clothing is minimal or optional (I like the optional part). If I’m wearing a bikini and all of my “Yum Yums” are hanging out (and yes, I said YUM YUMS), do you really think I’ll meet someone who’s serious about settling down? Uh…I don’t think so! Now I’m not saying it’s totally impossible to meet the love of your love at the beach even if you’re showing off your sumptuous ass in a two piece (I had to chuckle at that comment myself). But this set up is highly doubtful.

No my friends, being picked up on the beach is not my cup of tea. Well, if he looks like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson then I may have to retract my statement.

Leslie's reaction to "How to Approach the Opposite Sex at the Beach"

By Leslie:

 

Meeting a girl at the beach, I have to admit, must be very intimidating. Coming from a girl's stand point, the first thing we look at is the shirtless body. Does he go to the gym? Or is he lacking in the muscles department. From then on it really depends on how the guy carries himself and on the approach technique.

 

Here are some pointers:

1. Do no act like you are a body builder. This means, avoid the "I am tough and have huge muscles walk."

 

2. Do not suck in the belly. We can tell from the lack of breathing.

3. Do not pour a bottle of sun tan oil on your body. Women are less likely to want to touch you knowing they will be left with grease residue.

4. And my biggest advice, do not have any association of looking like someone from the Jersey shore. This weekend at the Tiki bar, I couldn't help but notice how unattractive a "Situation" look a like can really be, especially in person. Avoid using more gel than a girl would and please no fake tanning sprays, it just turns you orange.

 

Hopefully the above techniques will help in approaching a girl at the beach and avoiding rejection.

Gina's reaction to "How to Approach the Opposite Sex at the Beach"

By Gina

The beach is a breeding ground for new hook-ups and relationships. You have tons of men and women half naked, looking good, and waiting for someone to notice them! Hitting on anyone at the beach can be very tricky. Especially with women, there are a few factors that need to be taken into consideration, is she with friends with or without a boyfriend, is she as hot without the sunglasses on, will she be offended if you go up to her?

                You really need to look at her surroundings, if she’s alone with her friends and you’ve got a set of brass balls, go up to her and her friends and compliment her, maybe invite her to go up the water with you so you can talk more. The worst thing to do is approach a group of women with another one of your boys or a group of them; it’s not masculine. Try not to use corny pick-up lines or offer to apply more sunblock or tanning oil, it gives off a bad vibe.  Also, you want this to sound and look natural so don’t stand over her or next to her as she sits/lays in the sand, sit next to her; this is a more intimate way to converse.

                Once you’ve got the green light from your lady, talk to her about her, where she is from, how long she’s down there, and what she is doing later. The objective is to keep it short and sweet, be cordial and let her have control! At this point, she has answered the necessary questions; give her your number and let her call you. You don’t want to seem too pushy so don’t attempt to kiss her then, just a nice cheek to cheek mwah will work. Hopefully, she’ll be wondering why you didn’t kiss her.

JP's Reaction to "How to Approach the Opposite Sex at the Beach"

By: JP

Going to the beach has always been one of the things that I can’t help but enjoy.  When you are younger, your parents would take you and you were carefree.  You would build sandcastles and play in the dirty Jersey water!  Ahhh that is when life was so simple.  Then you become a teenager and the beach is no longer about building sandcastles, it is now about lying out and working on your tan with your friends.  Also you would be caught dead now being with your parents! Oh the horror!  This is the age when most girls lay there in your barely there bikini hoping to get noticed by a guy!  They lather on their Hawaiian Tropics tanning oil and look like they are about to get cooked.  Okay I cant say when I was in high school I didn’t want to get picked up by a cute guy on the beach because who am I kidding we all did.  That is why we went.  Now that I am 26 years old it’s a different story.  All the guys who are on the beach are total creepers.  They stand there and make it look like they are playing “football” when half the time they are scooping out what girl they will hit on next.  It is like animal planet when they have lions looking for their prey.  To me I am just too old for that stuff.  I really am on the beach just to get the tan.  Half the time my hair is thrown up in a messy ponytail, I have no make up on, and I really don’t want to be bothered.  The sad thing is you can pick out the girls on the beach that want to be bothered and they are trying really hard to get noticed.  They are the girls who have applied 10 lbs of makeup on before they came, they have done their hair, and they are spraying on the tanning lotion so they are shiny!  I wish I took pictures, last weekend for July 4^th, I made the mistake of going to Seaside Heights.   Well right now they are taping The Jersey Shore so you really had to see some of the girls on the beach.  They were all hoping to be the next “classy” lady that either, Pauly D, Vinnie, or Mike “The Situation” would bring home.  As soon as Pauly and Vinnie walked on to the beach all the girls looking like this RAN over as fast as they could.  These girls were the ones looking to get picked up.  They were primped and ready to go waiting for their five minutes of fame.  So my point to all this rambling is, if you see me on the beach, DON’T hit on me.  I will simply ignore you because I am there for the tan, not to meet creepers.

Signs a girl is at the beach to meet a guy:

·        Is dressed like a tramp

·        Is with her friends and being ANNOYING and loud

·        Keeps staring around to see the people around her

·         Has her hair and makeup done

·        Will talk to ANY guy that walks past her

·        Constantly is taking pictures of herself with her camera or phone.

 

How to Approach the Opposite Sex at the Beach

Summer is here! Time for the beach. What happens when you see someone you are attracted to at the beach? What's your approach? What do you say? Are they with someone? What if I toss a football in their direction then walk by with my gut sucked in so I looked borderline jacked? That can't really work. Maybe ask them the time? How about asking what time the beach closes? Nah. These sound very stupid. What if I say...um... derrr... uh...

It isn't easy. I'm way too scared to do it. As a guy I already come off as a creep with my clothes on. Now you are telling me without a shirt, I have to go up to an attractive girl(s) laying on the beach in a bikini and say... or do...

Tom Hollywood has a few ideas:

1. Oil. Lots and lots of shiny oil.
2. Accidental ball toss near some sleeping beauties.
3. "Can you put lotion on my back because he (point to hairy
toothless friend) just seems too eager.
4. "Hey we could use a (insert number higher then 3) for volleyball"
5. "Look at this lovely sand sculpture I made in your image"
6. "I could use help burying my friend while he's sleeping and giving him fake boobs"

7. "I could use help drawing funny things (like a penis but not
exclusive) on my sleeping buddy"
8. Write out "I think your beautiful" in suntan lotion then go up
and ask her "Do you like my tan"?
9. Get a half chub with a tight bathing suit and make it seem like an
accident when you leave the ocean.
10. Pretend you know how to read and choose a sensitive title "How to be a more sensitive man."
11. Bring a dog.
12. Act like a pirate say words like "hey there fine lass" and "that
be a salty wench" when turned down.
13. Tell her how you love the beach so much you became a marine
biologist who just wants to save the dolphins (always dolphins the
ladies love the dolphins).
14. Work out
15. Serenade her with a rendition of "under the sea" from the little
mermaid complete with fake Jamaican accent.
16. Two words "banana hammock"

Assuming all of these fantastic ideas fall through I decided to get some advice from men and women. Keep your eyes open for their posts under, "Cool Breeze on a Warm Summer Day".  You might learn something or at least get a good laugh.

Meeting a Girl at a Bar

by: Tom Hollywood

It’s a Saturday night and you had a complete work free day, when your buddy calls you up to go out drinking with a phrase like “hey ball sucker lets go out get drunk and pick up some fresh stench/tail tonight”. You, being without a significant other, have the hopeful impression that this night will actually end with meeting a new girl (the aforementioned stench/tail) and not end up with you and your three buddies standing in the farthest corner of the bar discussing whether or not the Yankees overpaid for Derek Jeter this last offseason. (Of course they overpaid but he’s Derek Jeter).

You get to the bar, start drinking and you’re feeling that good buzz where you’re not drunk and stupid. Your usual crippling anxiety about talking to the opposite sex has now worn off. After all you’re not paying six dollars for a light beer because of the great atmosphere of seizure inducing light show and music loud enough to make your testicles cling to you for fear of being shaken off. You see a group of girls and one them is to your particularly liking she’s tall, short, thin, curvy, big boobs, small boobs, legs, butt, etc. As you approach this girl (this girl that you believe to be the epitome of the female gender or just the girl you think you have a shot with) cautiously, you believe yourself to be a lean predator stalking their prey and not the drunken circus bear you most likely resemble.

Your approach brings you into eye contact territory and you briefly hesitate looking for that cue, either a look of death or disgust or genuine disbelief that you dare to approach. Seeing none of these warning signs or perhaps even an inviting smile, you move in to striking distance.  At this point all genuine thought having left your mind, you attempt the standard and surprisingly most effective of pickup lines, “Hi my name is xxxxx,” then the dreaded second of hesitations in which you wait for a response, hoping for a smile instead of a brush off which is likely to be a hammer blow to your will to approach the next feminine figure you are attracted to.

You receive back a smile and a “Hello my name is xxxxxx.” From this point on the pressure has gone from coal turning into diamonds to just your fat friend sitting on your chest. Uncomfortable but you can grit your teeth and get through it and with each successive sentence that passes back and forth between you and your new friend the pressure will lessen to featherweight proportions. At this point it would be impossible to write a single post that doesn’t turn into a "choose your own adventure" book from here out. Look next post when an adventure is chosen.

Meeting a Guy at the Bar

Meeting a Guy at the Bar

by: Ariel Velez

It's Saturday night and you and your girls are ready to go out and party! You want to look sexy and dance the night way and maybe meet a hot guy. You spend half the day getting ready, picking out the right outfit, getting your nails done and perfecting your hair, so the hair flip and hair twirl work to perfection. When you are finally primped and pampered, its time to get your girl's opinion, "How does this look?" choruses of "HELL YEAH BABY" and you are good to go... any "EH" responses send you back to the closet for a new outfit. Yes, you are just going out with the girls to dance and have fun but hey if the opportunity come along to talk to a guy, hell yea you're going to take it and look good while you're at it!

You make it to the bar to stand in line outside in the cold. And of course you didn't bring a jacket because 1) it would ruin the look and 2) you didn't want carry that big jacket into the bar and 3) maybe some cute guy will lend you his jacket! Conversation starter... just saying...
When you get in after flirting with the bouncer as he checks your id, you take a look around... who's here (don't want to run into any ex's) and who's new that catches your eye... a quick scan brings a group of guys drinking in the corner to your attention. Oh yea they are cute... BUT first things first --> to the bar for shots! It's time to get your drink on! But there's one lonely guy taking a shot at the bar.. he looks over to you and drunkenly slurs "Hey Pretty Lady" and then nothing... he can't barely put two words together to make a sentence... A quick turn on the dance floor and lap around the bar to check out the other guys and the competition. You and your girls stake your corner... hopefully in direct line of sight of that first group of cute guys... You're gossiping with the girls about important things, like how good your boobs look in this top, Prince William and Kate's wedding! Sigh! When you catch the eye of one of the guys from the group... he's coming over... Noooo he's just going to the bar for a beer... then suddenly there's this little creeper hovering on the outskirts of the group... he tries to hip dance into the circle but general looks of "What the heck is this guy doing here?" discourages him from further pursuit... On the dance floor again and whoa what was that some juice head just rammed his crouch into your back and started grinding on you RUN AWAY!!!! Bathroom time!!! ALL TOGETHER NOW --> one stall 5 girls... then new drinks and back to the corner... And finally that cute guy from the first group starts to head towards you... smile! Hair flip! Blush! ... Hope he's come over to talk to you... Ahh! He's walking over... He's not a troll... take a quick sip of your drink... and wait for the cheesy line... "Hi my name is X" Nice! Normal! Oh he's got a great smile... So far so good... he's pretty funny... he offers to get you a drink... You talk at the bar and then to the dance floor with your drinks...

Eh he can't dance but he's really cute ...Not too aggressive ... But then he goes in for a kiss... hmmm ... he's a great kisser! ... yea... you'll probably give him your number if he asks... but if he doesn't ... don't worry about it... there are other guys at the bar...