Spiderman is ready to return to Broadway…again.

One of my favorite superheroes is Spiderman. I grew up watching the Spiderman cartoon on Saturday mornings when Saturday morning cartoons were watchable. Wow that makes me sound old, but it is true. I enjoyed the first two Spiderman movies. The third was weak. Did you think it was good? Remember this scene?

Do you still think it was good? I didn’t think so. It didn’t make any sense. Why would Spiderman do that? You probably forgot about that scene. You erased it from your memory and I just uploaded it into your brain. Sorry about that. I owe you one.

Then came, Spiderman on Broadway? How would they turn Spiderman into musical? How would they make him glide from building to building using his web? Who will the villains be? Who was going to direct and who would do the music?

The actors were training with Circus du Soleil acrobatics, Green Goblin would be the main villain, Julie Taymor was set to direct and U2 were creating the music and lyrics. After hearing all of this I thought to myself, “Spiderman will be the most fantastical performance ever.”

I saw one of the previews with my family in December 2010. The first act was entertaining. Spiderman was flying over the audience’s heads, the set was amazing and the aerial fight scenes were impressive. Despite the storyline being, (SPOILER ALERT!!!), a mixture of the first two movies; he becomes Spiderman, fights a super villain, falls in love with Mary Jane, can’t tell her he loves her because he is Spiderman, learns that with great power comes great responsibility, etc. It was fun, but not fantastical.   

The show turned into a strange, uninteresting love story in the second act. There was a giant spider woman called Arachne who was in love with Spiderman. Mary Jane loved Peter Parker aka Spiderman, but Arachne had this magical love spell on Spiderman. To be honest I’m not sure what was going on in the second act. It was confusing, dull and barely any action! The coolest part of the show was having Spiderman flying over your head. I feel asleep during the second act. I didn’t even go out the night before because I wanted to be well rested for Spiderman. That makes me sound like a dork. What I meant to say was I partied all night with tons of friends and beautiful women. Then I caught a nap before the show so I was well rested.

The show would become the most technically complex show ever on Broadway. By November 2010 the production was an estimated $65 million. Spiderman was getting stuck during his web gliding scenes, delaying the show. Cast members were falling, breaking bones and quitting the show.

Now the show is back on Broadway again. The story has changed. How can this show become successful and turn into a long running, quality Broadway show? Cast me as Spiderman.

Why you ask? I was Spiderman for Halloween three years ago. I’m mildly athletic. I will work for cheap. The resemblance is uncanny.

Can you tell which one is me?

 

Ignore the fact that I am wearing a $40 costume from Party City.

Sure casting me as Spiderman doesn’t make much sense. Neither does that scene of Tobey Maguire dancing in Spiderman 3. You know what else doesn’t make sense… Spiderman on Broadway.