There are plenty of reasons to not get married. Tom, Ariel and I thought of a few.
You shouldn't get married because...
he is in his 80s and owns playboy
you have a double life
your fiancé just told you she use to be a man
you are an entertainer/athlete/actor/politician/musician/etc. For example if your name is: Tiger Woods, (Insert name) Kardashian, Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lohan, Kobe
you already have thoughts about striking your partner with a blunt object because of the way they drink tea
free time for masturbation will be severely curbed
amount of sex your having will not increase
after you’re married your partner won't get thinner
in a relationship your 'hand' is one day you might propose
age determined in bun getting possibilities
children will soon follow
everything you own becomes "hers" referred to as "ours"
everything you own becomes "hers" referred to as "ours"
the penalty for having sex with someone else is losing half of your stuff
blowjobs become annual like birthdays and holidays
blowjobs become annual like birthdays and holidays
living together
your "boys" get replaced with other married couples who like to go antiquing in New England instead of strip club hopping Vegas
you have game night instead of watching the game
doesn't change your husband into a Disney prince the way you thought it would
the girl you see walk by that you probably would never have been able to have sex with anyway all of sudden becomes a definite
leg shaving only occurs when it’s a full moon...same goes for nose hair trimming
farts aren’t held back
the phrase "i thought since we got married you would _____" becomes a psychological weapon
your friends with exciting stories of the weekend about a different girl they had sex with and yet somehow slept with her sister too
forced to be friends with her annoying friend’s husbands
if you are going to spend 50 grand on a party I would prefer somewhere where "making it rain" is an option
of what her mom looks like
"things will get better"
Montel revealed the kid is yours during the paternity test
its time to settle down
she has a kid
your Mormon and 5 is the limit
she's 16
he's 80
she will one day be 40
drunkenly peeing on your white picket fence is a real problem instead of a funny story
he already has a wife
you have to stop sexting and tweeting pics of your bare chest
your samurai sword collection is no longer tolerated
she's a ginger
her love for carrot top's comedy
you'll have to see your relatives and pay for them to eat and drink at YOUR wedding even though you don't like them. Then the cheap bastards have the nerve to complain about the food. Shut the hell up and eat it!
she reminds you of your mom
all your friends are doing it
it was arranged
your friend dared you
joint bank statements where your significant other can see the potato gun/twilight fan club purchase you didn't need to be judged on
you just love all your family and friends asking you when are you going to get married. It’s the only time they talk to you.
you look fat in white.
you really love cats.
you are an international spy. 007 never got married.
the state doesn’t recognize marriages to yourself. You are that fabulous.
you don’t want the man to keep you down. (Both the government and any “husband”).
you just love all your family and friends asking you when are you going to get married. It’s the only time they talk to you.
you look fat in white.
you really love cats.
you are an international spy. 007 never got married.
the state doesn’t recognize marriages to yourself. You are that fabulous.
you don’t want the man to keep you down. (Both the government and any “husband”).
your heroes are not married or shouldn't have been ex: Wilt Chamberlain, James Bond, Tiger Woods, Superman, Hugh Hefner (young version), Snooki and Bill Clinton.
No comments:
Post a Comment