By: Mike Cupolo and Tom Hollywood
The internet has changed dating the world, so much so that 1 out of every 5 serious relationships starts online. The two most popular paid dating sites are Match.com and eHarmony. PlentyofFish is the most popular free dating site. Ashley Madison is the #1 dating site for discreet affairs. Hope I didn’t turn a light bulb on in your mind. Cougar Life is the best known site for older women to find younger men. Facebook isn’t technically a dating site, but people use it as a hook up tool.

There are dating sites for everyone. You can specify your mate by their religion, education, height, weight, nationality, race, sexual orientation, etc. There is a site for women who want to meet guys shorter than 5’8”. I considered joining, but what happens if all the girls are tall? Can you picture me, 5’7”, with a girl over six feet? It would look weird. If a girl can toss me around like a Wrestling Buddy we might not make a perfect match. If you know what a Wrestling Buddy is I like you. A lot.
I actually joined PlentyofFish, only to do research for this blog, not because I’m desperate. I had to answer 150 questions. After question 150 I wasn’t sure who I was, why I was on the site, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Is it three? The owl use to say three, but who in the world is finishing a Tootsie Pop in three licks?
People always write the most conventional dating criteria: I’m looking for my soul mate, don’t message me unless you are looking for something serious or don’t send me naked pictures of yourself. Everyone is so up tight nowadays.
Tom and I made a dating application for men and women. Before you agree to a first date use this to weed out the creeps and find exactly what you are looking for:
Photos are a must. Post the picture that looks like you. Don’t use the one from 10 years ago when you didn’t have a pot belly.
Submit to an IQ test. Although I will probably be able to tell how smart you are by your grammar, amount of abbreviations and misspellings in the first message you send.
“Yoooo wats good? your kewl holla ats me shawty.”
Or
“Omg. My bestie Liz thinks u r totes presh. Yolo. Fml.”
Don’t write a message that needs a translator.
I'm going to need to see a dating history. How long has it been since your last relationship? I won't date you if you’re still sleeping with your ex. Unless you look like Bradley Cooper or
Lisa Ann.

No rebounds. I don't want you dating me because you just got dumped. Unless you look like Bradley Cooper or
Lisa Ann.
I’ll also need photos of your friends to make sure I haven’t dated any and to make sure they aren’t better looking then you. If so we can just be friends and you can introduce me to your friends.
I will need measurements. Height, weight, shoe, bra and package size. All must be provable with a picture upon request. No trick photography please. Use a ruler to measure your package. Start your measurement at the base.
A copy of your latest STD test results. Results cannot be older then 6 months. Getting tested 3 years ago is not satisfactory.
I'll also need to know if your boys swim. I plan on having kids some day and don't need your infertility being an issue.
A picture of your parents is required. I want see what I could be stuck with.
Show me references from past relationships. Will this be ending with me entering the witness protection program?
Is it really that crazy to meet someone online? Doesn’t it seem foolish to meet people at a bar/club while your judgment is impaired by alcohol and bad lighting? At least online you can cut through the bullshit and find exactly what you are looking for. Have you met anyone online?
Jules and I went to Herald Square and asked people what they thought.