Too Much Testosterone in the Nightlife Scene

Have you been to a bar or club and seen someone acting like a jackass? Then just wonder to yourself…“What a douche bag.” We spot these people on a weekly basis. Typically, I’m looking at my own friends. Last weekend really set the bar high on douche baggyness. Yea, I know it isn’t a word. I made it up. You can use it if you want. I bet you use it.

This post is all about too much testosterone in the nightlife scene. More testosterone means more douche bags. A bar/club is just a better place with a balanced ratio of testosterone and estrogen. Whether you are going out with some buddies to find some buns or taking your significant other out for drinks/dancing the less testosterone the better. You don’t want guys hitting on the single girls or even worse trying to pickup the girl you brought! For the ladies, I know you don’t appreciate a bunch of drunken assholes hitting on you and grinding on you all night. Not everyone is a gentleman like my friends and I… just kidding my friends are dicks. Not everyone is a true gentleman like me.



This had to be a myspace profile pic.



There are so many factors that bring out the douche bag quality in a guy. The ratio at a bar/club is always off, 147 guys to 3 girls. Everything and anything must be done to impress the 3 average looking (at best), girls (usually at a crappy bar), even if it means getting into a fight. Alcohol is always a big factor. We all do dumb shit when we are fucked up, but it seems like alcohol works as some kind of d-bag enhancement. It’s like “Hey yo. My tight shirt and fake tan are the coolest. Yagerbomb! Wana bang? Check out my tattoo of the Italian flag. UFC! How much you bench? Tequila shots! My parents didn’t hug me enough when I was a kid. (insecurity starts to set in) Chug a beer! Fight me! (more insecurity) Tequila shots! Jersey Shore. I shave my body. I gota puke, I’m a douche bag because I have a small wenis.” (insecurity has taken over).

Most guys are just born with the d-bag gene. This sounds like I’m bashing men. I’m not. I’m kind of a man. I’m bashing douche bags. Thought that was pretty obvious by now.



Big Ben and Jesse James- D-Bags (they actually look- a- like too)

Last weekend at was at Pub 46 in Clifton, NJ and I saw something that can only have one purpose… to start a fight.

This is a real game.

Why is this game at a bar? Combine all the previously mentioned factors that bring out the douche bags; tons of testosterone, bad ratio, alcohol, UFC, bench pressing, d-bag gene, tons of insecurity, etc. The perfect setting for a fight.

An actual douche bag

I was standing by this contraption and a d-bag came up to me and challenged me to a game of see who can punch harder. He clearly lifted weights, popped HGH pills like Tic-Tacs and was definitely bi-curios from years of sexual abuse by a trusted older male in his life. We have all met this guy. What a d-bag to challenge me to a game like that. I decided to be the bigger man and in a drunken state of mind said, “Heck yes.” He proceeded to destroyed the bag with his fist. I then thought it would be funny to call him over and whispered in his ear, “I saw a blind kid in a wheelchair hit harder than that.” He didn’t like that. My friends decided to leave at this point.



I am not a big dude, I don’t lift weights (I ride a bike), I’m not a huge fan of wrestling around on the ground with the same sex, I prefer to not get punched in the face and if I actually got into a bar fight I would get dragged across the bar and tossed out the nearest window like every cliché bar fight of all time. Lucky for him I saved him the trouble.



Wana wrestle?