Do you ever wish you could be back in school instead of at work?

By: Mike Cupolo and Tom Hollywood

Do you ever wish you could be back in school instead of at work? Not me. I would rather be home watching TV and playing with Legos. Although there are times that I miss being a student. Tom and I thought of some reasons why school is better than work. We started with the good old preschool days and made our way through the party days of college.   

Nap time- Taking a nap was a requirement. Now you have to go to “meetings” and go on “calls” to catch some shuteye.

Recess- Do you play kickball at your job on a daily basis? I didn’t think so.  

Evil Teacher vs. Horrible Boss- You get stuck with a teacher who flips out when a student drops a pencil on the floor and makes you stay after school two minutes each time you drop a pencil. At least it is only for a year. You could be trapped with a boss for a lifetime.

Snack time- You get a tasty free treat everyday at school. At work you get to deal with a bastard of a vending machine that eats your money and toys with your emotions.

Subjects- One job, one subject. Think of all the classes you got to take over the years in school: Gym, Study Hall, Women Studies, etc. I couldn’t believe I got a ‘D’ in Women Studies. After a few years of bad dates and questionable relationships it makes a ton of sense.   

Hot substitute teacher- It didn’t happen often, but when it did it was the coolest. You got to stare at a pretty young lady all day. Now interns are the closest thing to an attractive alternate. It isn’t appropriate or professional to stare at the 18 year old intern in your office. Don’t be a creep. Glance, don’t stare.    

Absenteeism- While you are enrolled in college you are generally supposed to show up.  At work you have tightly regulated sick days and vacation days. If you exceed them it better be because your liver needed to be removed last night and not because you had a great time at the kegger.

Attire- The general rule in college is, “Regardless of how ridiculous it may seem, as long as it covers the naughty bits you can wear it out.” You can wear pajamas to class! The same does not go for work. At best you have casual Fridays when you get wear polos and khakis. You are so beaten down by “the man” you actually look forward to casual Fridays.

Sexual Relations- A complicated matter in any environment. You slept with Becky from biology class at whatever depraved party you attended. You were the man and Becky was probably cool with it. If you sleep with Rebecca from marketing at the office Christmas party you have a problem. You will have to see this woman on a daily basis, not just Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3-4:15. You’ll have to do serious work with someone you saw naked and did some messed up stuff with knowing you.

Potential Dating Pool- There is plenty of opportunities to meet the opposite sex. Whichever college you attend your undergraduate class is a balanced mix of males and females 18 to 23 years old. You may not appreciate it at the time, but that is a prime age range for the opposite sex. Everyone is in competition with other coeds to look the best. This encourages them to put down the fork and go for a run. They haven’t entered “time to look for a husband territory”.

The workplace is completely different. Alcohol and questionable decisions become less of a factor. The questionable decision was sleeping with you. You are lucky if there is a decent guy to girl ratio. There are some work fields that definitely are trending more towards one sex. Then even if you have an even mix the age range is now 25 to 65. The worry that your potential mate might be married or pregnant comes into play. Also there is the high chance she is looking to get married or pregnant. With this scarcity comes terms like “work hot”. Now this is a girl that wouldn’t compare to most coeds, but because she is the only reasonably attractive woman at work she now thinks she is filet mignon and deserves better then the likes of you.

  

Enjoy being in school and don’t rush the experiences. In the immortal words of Billy Madison, “Stay here. Stay as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.”