NBA Season Recap

The blog is coming back again just like that bad rash you had. You know the one you weren't sure how you got it, but know its not going away with peroxide.

Don't be sad. Even a bad rash can be funny...

 

The NBA season is over and boy was it fun. Here are my predictions for next year:

1. My dad critiques the refs between in-game naps which now start a quarter earlier. Sleepy little bitch.

2. The Knicks convince me things will be different this time.  

3. Emotional damage follows a second round exit to the Brooklyn Nets.

4. LeBron's headband grows by 2 and 3/4 inches.  He later becomes the first NBA player to wear a skull cap during games, as his hair line continues to fade like Manu Ginobli's career. Aw that was mean. I apologize. Just get hair extensions LeBron.  

 

5. My sister complains at a record pace about the frequency of my very own natural gas hitting her in the face like a three stooge’s episode. (This one really is more of a year round sibling experience.) Learn to love the gas Meg!

6. After the first 2 weeks of the NBA season every woman I know (minus Leslie) will ask how many games are left. They will not be pleased with the answer.

7. Stephen A. Smith will proclaim on Sportscenter daily how every NBA rookie is now a dear, dear friend of his after spending an intimate night with each rookie... against their will.

8. Tyler Hansbrough decides to sport a tougher image. He grows mohawk, gets tatted up and becomes addicted to crystal meth. He is still a bitch and now goes by the nickname: Hummingbird Man.  

 

9. The Knicks are not happy with head coach Mike Woodson after a slow start and with Jason Kidd coaching the Brooklyn Nets they sign Isaiah Thomas... to play point guard.

10. Mike Miller's gums continue to consume his teeth.

Commercial pitch: Mike Miller stars in a commercial as himself along his long lost twin who happens to be a State Farm agent (also played by Miller).

11. The New Orleans Pelicans realize their new team nickname is too intimidating and change it to the Tickle Monsters. The runner up is the Bellybuttons.  

12. A new NBA Cares commercial features players working diligently in the Hollywood community to stop Will Smith from banging his son.

 

13. My mom will say, “Oo why do basketball players have all those tattoos.” I confess to her I have the same one on my left butt cheek that says property of Jamal. She nervously laughs and walks away pondering what went wrong.

14. Blake Griffin’s next Kia commercial (you know the ones where he can travel back in time and not actually prevent historical disasters but tell himself to apply sun tan lotion because the future will be bright. Not a responsible use of time travel you dbag) is a crossover with Chris Paul’s State Farm commercial (the one where he is separated at birth with Cliff Paul). He goes back in time to save the right twin… keep reading…

 

15. Meanwhile...State Farm decides to take a dark turn with their Chris/Cliff Paul commercial campaign because it worked for the Dark Knight and Man of Steel. The little girl who sings the National Anthem at the Miami Heat games is confronted with a choice to kill one of them, because you’ll need insurance when you’re faced with the “Who am I supposed to shoot? Evil Twin Cliché Scenario.” Neither one really the evil twin, both just awful. She closes her eyes and fires a shot, misses both, but Blake Griffin shows up in his Kia time machine and lands on the Paul twins and the National Anthem kid. This commercial is played during NBA games for the rest of ever.

So much to look forward to in the 2013-14 NBA season.

Watch our for future blogs and rashes. If one happens to come along just embrace it, don't fight it.  

NBA Audition Video

Have you seen this yet? If you haven't you better watch it now.



Check out other videos and keep an eye out for new ones at Cool Breeze Comedy http://www.youtube.com/user/cupolo85?feature=mhee.

The Iron Sheik- Wrestler, Entertainer and Certified Lunatic!

Ever wonder where the wrestlers of yesteryear are? Most of them are dead. You can’t take steroids, pain killers, and party like they did and live past 50. Some are still alive! Remember The Iron Sheik?! He has become a youtube sensation over the years for being one crazy, offensive bastard.

STOP READING NOW IF YOU GET OFFENDED EASILY. PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF THE IRON SHEIK'S MOUTH IS INSULTING! DON'T GET MAD AT ME. I'M JUST THE INSTIGATOR HERE.

These clips from The Howard Stern Show will bring you to tears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Gtomt4of64&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ume3tzWafw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1APM6t1ASqw&feature=relmfu

He is clearly insane and extremely bitter. I don’t use Twitter much, but you have to check out his Twitter page. Here is one of his recent posts: “ghostbuster 3 make me want to beat the fuck out of someone... who?”  https://de.twitter.com/the_ironsheik

Here is a list of career moves The Iron Sheik should make.

1. Broadway- Forget Mike Tyson on Broadway, I want to see a one man show featuring the Iron Sheik bitching about all the old wrestlers he hates. He doesn’t even need a script. Feed him some booze and let it be an interactive Q&A with the audience.

2. Join a reality TV show- Broadway could be a stretch, but why not reality TV? Insert him on any current reality show as a judge, contestant, host, etc.

3. Create his own reality TV show-  Imagine cameras following him around all day. Each episode can feature a washed up, half dead, broke ass, crack head, wrestler from the past. They could argue with each other about who the better wrestler was and then try to fight each other.

3. Sports Analyst- Analyst for the Olympics. I can picture him screaming at those tiny muscular girls while they are trying their hardest to concentrate and stay on the balance beam about how Macho Man is a cheap piece of shit.

4. Sideline reporter- Erin Andrews who? Put Sheik on the sidelines and let him ask coaches and players whatever questions pop up in his head. I’d love to see an interview with Sheik and Tim Tebow.

5. Author for Children- Dennis Rodman just wrote a children’s book. Can you imagine what The Iron Sheik would come up with? Working title, “Why I Hate Hul…What did you just say? Hulk Hogan is a Bitch. I will fuck his whole family…”

When the going gets tough, just bail.

Wouldn’t it be grand if you could just run away from a bad situation? Here is what life would be like if we lived by the saying, “When the going gets tough, just bail.”

Fiancé complaining a lot? Teach her/him a lesson and call off tomorrow’s wedding.

Are your parents questioning why you are still mooching off them? Screw that! There are plenty of spacious dumpsters and cozy spots under bridges for you to live.

Wife of a few years giving you problems?  End it with her by selling her stuff and using the money for cocaine and hookers. If that’s your thing. Probably would be wiser to invest that money or even treat yourself to a relaxing vacation.

School holding you back? Drop out and spread your wings. You don’t need a degree to bang 20 year olds.

Is your boss giving you shit? Walk in his/her office and quit that bitch! You’re made of money!

Is your Grandmother not getting your 30 year old ass birthday gifts? End it with that cheapskate.

Credit Card Company keeps sending you bills? What are you made of money? Cancel that shit.

Getting bored driving the family to the desired vacation spot year after year? Stop the car, tell everyone to get out and head to Vegas.

Sunday church getting too preachy for you? Tell the priest you don't share his views and

you shouldn't see each other anymore.

Your child won’t stop acting like a jerk? Remind it that there are plenty of spacious dumpsters and cozy spots under bridges to live.

Mom refuses to make you dinner? Sleep with her friend. She'll know to bring the pancakes in the morning. Not just any pancakes, chocolate chip! With a whip cream smiley face!

Half-ass comedian and his jackass friend writing a long winded blog that’s going nowhere? Stop reading it and make sure to message them. Express how repulsed you felt after reading such filth.

By: Mike Cupolo and Tom Hollywood

Chappelle. Ferrell. Cupolo?

I know what you are thinking right now. Wow! Mike aka (awesome nickname you have for me) is back! Thank God the Cool Breeze on a Warm Summer Day blog is up and running again...is this a dream?

No you dummy. Who dreams of reading?

You may be wondering why the blog stopped? I have to be honest. I stopped because the success and hilarity of this blog became too much to handle. How could I possibly keep producing funny ass shit every week? I turned into the Dave Chappelle of blogs.

If you don't buy any of that, congrats you might not be a complete moron.

My point is, its hard to be consistently funny.

Last night on Conan, Will Ferrell came out as Ron Burgundy and announced that they are moving forward with Ancorman 2. This clip is about 5 mins long and it is hilarious. Love when he insults Conan. http://www.hitfix.com/articles/anchorman-2-moving-forward-with-will-ferrell-original-director-adam-mckay

After seeing that you are.. estatic? Pumped? Are you saying things like...I love lamp, Sex Panther, Whammy, jazz flute, whale's vagina, I'm Ron Burgundy?

Most of the same cast and the director Adam McKay will be back. Does this guarantee it will be as funny as the original?

To quote Lee Corso, "Not so fast my friend."

It ain't easy making sequels. I'm pretty sure I'm the first person to ever say this so its mine. You can borrow it, but give me credit you unoriginal bastard.

How many quality comedy sequels are there?
American Pie? Ghostbusters? Hangover 2? Not even close to being as good as the first, but a decent movie.

Yea this happened

How many are better or equal to the original?  
I did about 8 mins of thinking/research and I cant think of one.

So just like this blog, Dave Chappelle's short lived sketch show and every sub par comedy sequel ever made it's hard to be consistently funny in the eye's of the public.

Can Ancorman break the mold? I hope so. In the meantime I'll continue to produce sub par, I mean quality, blog posts for you.

Life of a Pretend Football Fan

Is their anything better than football Sundays? Whether you like to go to the game or watch it on TV, Sundays are made for football. I love sitting on my couch watching the Giants, watching my dad shout at the Giants through the TV and rooting for my fantasy players. It is the perfect way to end a weekend. Sure, listening to my dad yell doesn’t sound fun, but there is something really funny about a man in his 50s screaming at a TV. 

Everybody loves football. So many people in fact, that people actually pretend to be football fans. Tom and I listed some red flags that indicate characteristics of a pretend football fan.

If you are a pretend football fan you probably…

know who the quarterback was seen with on TMZ, but you aren’t sure how many touchdowns he threw last Sunday.

use the ‘we’ term to describe the team.

are reasonable in the face of defeat. You say things immediately after a loss like "We'll get them next time."

know NFL greats like Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith and L.T. because you watch Dancing with the Stars.

own more jerseys then games attended.

don't want to go to the playoff game because its cold or because you can't sit next to your buddies.

like the team just for their colors and the pretty dolphin on their uniform.

aren’t sure who to hate until someone hates them for you.

have jerseys of different players from different teams. Which one to wear? How come it always happens to be the one with the best record? (Cough, cough) Front runner. (Cough, cough)

decided if the Giants aren’t good this year I’ll root for the Eagles because they are close to where I live.

think fantasy football involves Lord of the Rings characters.

went shopping, apple picking, or basically did anything else but watch the game.

the last one on and the first one off any bandwagon.

won't eat the free food during the tailgate because you’re watching your figure.
    

will ask which team is the green team.

cheer a second behind other's reactions to see if you should be mad or happy at the end of each play.

quote phrases from the Little Giants to cover up your lack of football knowledge. Example: “They should do the annexation of Puerto Rico.”

Fan or not that is an awesome quote from a great movie. Remember Rick Moranis? He was in that movie.

All pretend fans should not be ashamed. You are a fan, just not a real one. At least you don’t have to sit next to my dad and listen to him yell at Eli Manning every Sunday.  

  

By: Mike Cupolo and Tom Hollywood

Silence! the Musical

A few years ago I had my first musical theatre experience when my family took my little sister to see Disney’s Tarzan the musical for her birthday.  While I understand that the majority of the Broadway going audience is educated middle-aged Caucasian women and a handful of sharply dressed men; watching a guy swing across the stage in a loincloth for 2 hours is not my idea of money well spent.  Especially, since I still had the dry heaves from the previous night out with friends. I completely swore off theater.

My parents are fairly regular theatre goers and after my reaction to Tarzan they thought better then to invite me to future outings. I was done.  Finished. The fat lady sung.  But then I met a girl.  She worked it theatre so when she suggested I take my family to see Avenue Q, I had enough faith in her sense of humor and theatre background to give it a try.  Also, she’s really hot. 

Avenue Q is basically Sesame Street for adults. I didn’t know a musical could be so crude and hilarious. I highly recommend Avenue Q for anyone who has a sense of humor and doesn’t get offended easily. From then on I was going to shows with family and friends. In the past two years I’ve seen Avenue Q, Wintuk, Spiderman (the Julie Taymor actors-could-get-killed version), 39 Steps, Jersey Boys and a little show you might have heard about The Book of Mormon.

This past weekend I went to see Silence! the Musical, a musical parody of the Silence of the Lambs.  Almost as fun as actually seeing the show was telling people I was going.  Since the movie was so dark and gruesome I suppose I can understand their raised eyebrows at the thought of singing serial killers.  Um,  Singing Serial Killers = AWESOME!  The show had a Naked Gun tongue-in-cheek style where the lead character, FBI trainee Clarice Starling, is portrayed as a complete moron.  Keeping to the original story, Clarice has to pick the brain of one of the most notorious serial killers, Hannibal Lector, in order to catch the diabolical Buffalo Bill. However in the stage version Clarice’s quest is narrated by five delightfully low budget signing lambs. The musical has laugh- out- loud songs such as, “Put the Lotion in the Basket” and “If I Could Smell Her C**t”. Now those are songs you’ll catch me humming around the water cooler!

If you can’t get tickets to The Book of Mormon until 2012 – I suggest you check out Silence! The Musical.  But be careful, it might turn you into the giggling musical theatre geek that I have become.