The Bachelor meets Charlie Sheen

This is an article I wrote for the WPLJ website. It was too edgy for the site. I forgot about it and just found it and thought it would be a funny post. Enjoy...

The other day I was trying to think of something to write for the website so I checked out some of the other blogs and articles on the website and realized as a 25 year old man I don’t watch shows like The Bachelor or follow the self destruction of Charlie Sheen. Well, maybe I am exaggerating a little; I’m definitely not a man. I mean I still live at home with my parents, sleep in a twin bed and still watch cartoons. Real men don’t live at home with their parents and watch cartoons in while lying in a twin bed. They just don’t.

Anyway my point is I want to write about something that is relevant to PLJ listeners and something that will entertain me while writing about it.

What if… we combined The Bachelor and the Charlie Sheen debacle into a brand new reality show? A working title could be something like, “The Bachelor: Charlie Sheen Edition”. This show would be perfect for people who are already fans of The Bachelor and for the people out there who couldn’t care less who gets the final rose. I’m so tired of hearing about some smug dude who gets to be surrounded by a dozen pretty ladies and has to make such a “tough choice” of which beautiful young woman is his “soul mate”. By tired I mean full of envy and jealous rage. Totally wish I could be on The Bachelor, but not just any old version of The Bachelor. I volunteer to be the first bachelor on the “Charlie Sheen Edition” of the show.

My version of the show would be can’t miss TV. Every new bachelor would get to live one night in the life of Charlie Sheen. I say one night because each season would only last one episode, because we all know its going to end with the bachelor getting arrested. 

The show would start with a dozen of the country’s classist hookers and porn stars. The bachelor and the lovely contestants would be locked in a Malibu house filled with booze and drugs. Instead of a rose the bachelor gives each girl a shot of the alcohol of their choosing. Mayhem will surely ensue. The more I think about the details of the show, it might have to be a Pay-Per-View event. This would be the most wild, insane, crazy, wake up in the morning and thinking to yourself, “Whoa, what the hell happened” kind of night.

On second thought I don’t want to volunteer to be the first bachelor on “The Bachelor: Charlie Sheen Edition.” It is probably easier to keep going to bars and clubs and getting shot down by girls that way. At least I won’t get arrested. I’m going to stick with watching quality shows like Spongebob Square Pants, but I ask you America, why not dedicate The Bachelor to America’s most infamous bachelor of all?